it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
