i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
