So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
