Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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