you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
