You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
