Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
