He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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