how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
