Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
