We won't sleep together?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
