During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
