This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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