I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
