Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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