I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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