If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
