honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
