im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
