i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
