i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
