and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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