Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
