Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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