she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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