Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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