In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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