Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
