So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
