Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
