And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
