You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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