it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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