i think my tv is drunk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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