when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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