my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
