yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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