he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
