Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
