You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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