i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
