hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
