hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
