I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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