I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
