Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
