I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
