i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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