Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
