i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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