Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
